


Silent Voices Crying Out

by LeoOtherLands



Series: All the Broken Pieces [8]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Because I rarely get to use that tag..., Camaraderie, Canon Compliant, Depression, Finding a way to live, Implied Sexual Content, It's not what you think, Love, M/M, Sadness, Shotgunning, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Pact
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 05:31:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19761586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoOtherLands/pseuds/LeoOtherLands
Summary: “Do you hear them, Kakashi?”“Hear what?”“All the silent voices. The cries of all those we lost, and the whispers of the ones that never existed.”The internal voices of pain can be too much to bear, and Kakashi knows it as well as anyone. So he offers Itachi a deal.“If you go, then I will too.”





	Silent Voices Crying Out

**Author's Note:**

> Speak to me  
> When all you got to keep is strong  
> Move along, move along like I know you do  
> And even when your hope is gone  
> Move along, move along just to make it through  
> Move along  
> Move along
> 
> So a day when you've lost yourself completely  
> Could be a night when your life ends  
> Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving  
> All the pain held in your  
> Hands are shaking cold  
> Your hands are mine to hold
> 
> Speak to me  
> When all you got to keep is strong  
> Move along, move along like I know you do  
> And even when your hope is gone  
> Move along, move along just to make it through  
> Move along
> 
> When everything is wrong, we move along  
> When everything is wrong, we move along
> 
> [Move Along - All American Rejects](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-d07ZUqvjz4)

“Do you hear them, Kakashi?”

The light flickered in his eyes, as I asked the question. A yellow spark in the dark, shielded by his hand to only reflect in the mirrors of his eyes.

“Hear what?” he asked, his lips forming the words from smoke, his lungs expelling the first drag on the cigarette along with them.

“All the silent voices,” I responded. Our fingers brushed when I reached to accept the fag he held out to me. Skin on skin. The barest rustle of flesh touching flesh before I placed my lips where his had been. Felt the faint wet left behind by those lips. “The cries of all those we lost, and the whispers of the ones that never existed.”

I handed the white-paper encased bundle of herbs back to the man beside me. Already feeling the affects of them running in my blood, mellowing my heart. Wondering, like always, where Kakashi found the damn things. Smoking was not exactly encouraged among the Leaf’s ANBU. An unmentionable vice, shared in the dark, out on a mission far from _Konaha_ and any who would care.

He took a silent drag, making the end of the fag glow, and I admired him. Long, lean, muscled frame crouched there in the dirt. Porcelain mask pushed to the side, to reveal a scarred face under silver hair, like an old man’s. Though he wasn’t terribly older than I was. Clothing still rumpled and body still heated from how we’d fucked, like two wild dogs in heat. Me with my face in the dirt and ass in the air, he gripping on my backside and slamming into me hard enough to bruise.

Another unmentionable thing in the streets of _Konoha_.

“Yeah.” The word was little more than an exhale, mixed with gray smoke. “I hear them, Itachi.”

“How do you manage? How do you just… keep on… living?”

Another minute glow, as he pulled smoke down into his lungs. Then, his hand was in my hair and he was drawing my face to his and he was sealing his mouth over mine, so he could breathe smoke into it. An action which turned to kiss, our tongues sliding over each other, entangling along with the smoke.

“Just like that. I live for stolen moments and the taste of ash on my lips.” His eyes glanced to the hand he braced on the ground. The one with the fag still smoldering between its fingers. His pale, lupine form shifted in the dark, shoulder whispering across mine. A sensation of hard velvet. “I guess we all live for whatever we can.”

I took the half burnt-out cigarette from his slender, killer’s fingers. Letting my hair fall forward over my shoulders when I took a drag.

“I don’t know what I live for, Kakashi. Most of the time, I don’t think I want to live at all. One well-placed cut, and I could let it all drain away.”

“Yeah.” Another barely-there exhale. “I’ve thought of that myself.”

He pried the snub of fag from my fingers, took the last hit, and crushed out its light. “So, I’ll make you a deal, Itachi. You want to do it, fine, but if you go, then I will too.”

My head cocked, eyes taking him in in the dark. Bleeding red into the night.

“What do you mean, Kakashi?”

“Just what I said.” He tilted forward, pressing that lean frame into my space. “You want to die, fine. Come find me, and we’ll do it together.”

“I don’t want you to die, Kakashi.”

“Well, I don’t much want you to die, either, Itachi.” His breath was hot on my lips. His smoke-scented mouth a hair’s breadth from mine. “That’s the point of the deal. Let’s live for each other for a while.”

“By agreeing to die together.”

His hand had found its way up unto my chest. His unnatural _sharingan_ matching mine.

“We all live for whatever we can, remember? So, let’s live for this for a while.”

“A while.” I seemed to crumble forward, supported by that hand on my chest. My hair hanging down over my face, like ink. Liquid, like tears. “For how long?”

It always amazed me, Kakashi’s ability to shrug in whatever position he found himself. Even holding me up.

“Until you find a reason to live for yourself, or until you can’t anymore.”

“Can’t anymore?”

“Until you can’t be my reason anymore. Until you stop living, either because something stops you, or you decided to stop yourself.”

“To stop us both.”

“Yeah.”

He pushed on my chest, pushed me back, so I had to look at him. Raised the hand not braced on my chest, fingers spread, tips pressed to my flesh, to eye level.

“Deal?”

Slow, hesitant, I brought my hand to his, and he clasped it.

“Deal.”

Despite myself, despite everything that came between ANBU and _Akatsuki_ , despite the silent voices of pain and regret and despair, ever at my side, it was a deal I kept. Kept until I swayed toward my brother with a smile on my face, pressed my fingers to his forehead, mouthing words he didn’t hear.

_I’m sorry, Sasuke, this’ll be the last time…_

Words spoken in love, with no less passion than those fluttering in my mind.

_I’m sorry, Kakashi. I can’t be your reason anymore. But we did okay, didn’t we?_

**Author's Note:**

> Days go on forever,  
> But I have not left your side  
> We can chase the dark together,  
> If you go then so will I
> 
> There is nothing left of you,  
> I can see it in your eyes  
> Sing the anthem of the angels  
> And say the last goodbye
> 
> [Anthem of the Angels - Breaking Benjamin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QB3pxBDZvf4)
> 
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> 
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> 
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> 
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